An Unlikely Duo
by Tib Dunncan
Summary: It was simple. Lydia Deetz hated that ghost. Now, she's not so sure. What happened between the time he nearly killed her father and now, when he's taking her picture in front of a building in the Neitherworld?
1. Chapter 1

Lydia Deetz sat on her bed. It was too quiet – she could hear her mother sculpting downstairs and the continuous 'tik, tik, tik,' of the chisel was growing irritating. The girl walked across her room and turned on the radio. "Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake your body line-a! Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake it all the time-a. Work, work, work, Senora, work your body line-a! Work, work, work, Senora, work it all the time-a! Jump in the line – Shake your body all the time. Okay! I believe you! Jump in the li-"

Lydia clicked the radio off, again. She actually hadn't heard that song since the Maitlands left. Apparently, the fact that they were content with the Deetzs' living in their home was enough reason for them to have to go to the other side. The concern for their home was gone, and Lydia Deetz hadn't seen Barbara or Adam Maitland since. Or that deranged bio-exorcist. What was his name?

"Beetlejuice," she said, answering her own question.

"What was that?" her dad asked, coming into her room.

"Beetlejuice."

"That horrid ghost that tried to sabotage Delia's art deal?" he asked, frowning.

She nodded. "That's the one."

"Her father sighed deeply. "If I ever see another ghost again, it'll be too soon." After Charles Deetz's encounter with the bio-exorcist, he'd become incredibly high stung, and his blood pressure rose through the roof. His doctor had told him to, 'Just relax.' "Okay, sweetie. I'm going for a relaxing walk in the woods. Your mother's downstairs," 'tik, tik, tik,' "just yell if you need her."

"Alright dad. Have a good walk!" she called after her father. She scribbled the ghost's name onto a piece of paper. There was supposed to be an alternative way of spelling it… beetlegoos…. Beetleguese… beetle… betel…

"Betelgeuse." She said, slowly as she wrote it out. There! That looked about right!

POP!

Lydia looked up and screamed. Floating in the middle of her room was the ghost.

Beetlejuice, completely unaware that he was now in the girl's room, got startled and fell to the floor. "Whoa. Rough landing." He muttered, standing.

"MOTHER!"

'Tik, tik, tik…'

Beetlejuice turned. "Lyds!" he beamed; she screamed.

Lydia picked up the old aluminum baseball bat that was sitting in the corner of her room just in case anyone ever tried to break in

"Bats. You know I hate `em." He said, passively.

The small, furry winged animal shrieked in her hands. She let it go, and it flew back over the corner of her room and turned back into the aluminum piece of sports equipment. She did the only other thing she could think of – exactly what the Maitlands did to get rid of the poltergeist the first time. "Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!" she shouted.

"He-e-e-e-y!" he shouted, his voice echoing as he was sucked back into the neitherworld.

Lydia opened her eyes – where her spider curtains had been, there was now nothing but a vast stretch of winding, impossibly hilly, orange dirt road.

"Great." she said flatly. "Just fabulous." And she began walking.

At first, things seemed utterly hopeless. Nothing but bare stretches of road… until she came to the first house. It was a bone-bleach white and she immediately saw why: the entire home was one big bull's skull, like the one's that you'd see in the desert in cartoons.

A fence surrounded the property and a dog barked madly. She walked up to it. Upon seeing her, the dog calmed, panting and wagging its tail happily. It looked like something between a poodle, a bulldog, and a pug, save for the HORNS and the giant teeth. The doghouse which it was chained to said "Poopsie."

"Hi, Poopsie," she said. Still, it didn't look REMOTELY like any dog she'd ever seen.

Oh well.

She kept walking, noticing the sign that said, "The Monster across the street." Strange…

There was another, larger building with a bright neon-colored sign up top that said, "BJ's Roadhouse." A roadhouse? Like an apartment complex? Good, maybe she'd be able to get directions back to her home. It was against her better judgement… but it was necessary at the moment. She walked up to the building and rang the doorbell.

DTHUNK, DTHUNK!

Moments later, the door opened and the girl suppressed a scream.

Lydia Deetz found herself staring at an eight foot tall skeleton in a blue shirt red pants and wearing a beret. "Ooh, La-la! You must be Lydia!" it said in a French accent.


	2. Chapter 2

"Mother!" Lydia exclaimed.

"Woah, Lyds, chill." Lydia looked back and saw a giant snowman transform back into the ghost. "Here." He snapped his fingers again and Lydia's room reappeared. "There." And _he_ disappeared.

"Beetlejuice?" Lydia asked, curious to know where the ghost went.

"Psst! Babes! Up here!"

Lydia looked up and saw Beetlejuice In place – and shape – of her chandelier. "Beetlejuice!" she exclaimed, rather surprised.

"Careful, Lyds, one more time, and the party's over!"

She disregarded him and opened the door. "Yes, mom?"

"Was that… _you_… making all that noise up here?" Delia looked around the room, as if she were trying to find the source of the commotion.

"Uh… uhm… yes!" she said, matter-of-factly. "Yes it was!" Lydia imitated Beetlejuice's music.

"How… creative…" Lydia's mother said, though her expression said otherwise. 'Turn it down just a notch, will you, dear? I need to be able to hear the phone if your father calls."

"Yes mom," the girl called after Delia, who was already descending the stairs.

As she turned, closing the door behind her, Beetlejuice reappeared in the room, which was back to its previous, decorated state.

"Back to the paaaaarteeee!"

"No, Beetlejui-"

"Ah-ah-ah!"

"Well," she said, frustrated, her hands on her hips, "What should I say?"

"Call me B.J." he said, casually.

"No, _B.J. _If my mom comes back up –"

"If she comes back up, I'll just 'juice' her." He said, shrugging.

"What?"

Beetlejuice made a face (one that Lydia would later come to know as the "lung tosser") and the girl screamed then laughed, enthralled. "Deadly Vu! That's was dis_gusting_."

"Thanks babes," BJ said proudly, fixing the front of his signature suit. Lydia laughed at this before looking strangely at the ghost. She looked confused. "Lyds?"

"What happened?" she asked, cupping her chin in her palm.

"Whaddaya mean?" Beetlejuice asked, a rather blank, if not worried expression replacing his previous proud demeanor.

"Before, you were this… horrible, perverted ghoul." Lydia explained.

"The ghost with the most is now child-friendly." He grinned.

"Why?" BJ got the feeling that Lydia Deetz's curiosity was genuine and thorough. His smile disappeared and he shrugged as he continued his explanation.

"You didn't seem to like me very much last time. And frankly, I didn't like that you hated me, which is weird, because," he snorted, "everyone hates me. Plus, after I got out of that stupid model graveyard, I went back to the Neitherworld and moved in with Jacque and Ginger."

"The neitherworld; is that what that place is called?"

"Yep! Home sweat home!" he said.

"Your neighbors seemed nice." Lydia noted, as she gazed over the table again. Such freaky foods. It seemed to her that everything from the neitherworld was freaky.

"That's the problem, Babes." BJ said flatly. Suddenly, Lydia could see a light bulb go off over the ghost's head. "Hey! You wanna _see_ the Neitherworld?"

"Are you kidding? Of course I do!"

"You know what to do, babes!" he encouraged.

"Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands up.

Crack!

Lydia and BJ arrived in the neitherworld. "Hey, babes." He said, looking nauseous. "All this going back and forth is making my head spin." At this, his head lifted up off his shoulders and revolved quickly as he shrieked. This act of literal translation alarmed his human companion.

"BJ!"

The ghost clamped his hands on either side of his head to stop the spinning. "Woah. That'll clear your sinuses." He said, as they continued towards the Roadhouse. "Hey, we can party here!"

"But you're in the Neitherworld, now. Besides, don't you think your neighbors would mind?" she pointed out.

"Not at all, babes!"

"Bee-atlejuice!" Jacque came into the pulsating room. "Bee-atlejuice, my very bones are rattling from 'zis music!"

"That's because bones is all you are!" he shouted hoarsely over the music.

Lydia turned off the music. "Sorry, Jacque."

"Lydia!" the skeleton exclaimed, "You are back!"

"Bone," BJ added.

"Yeah. I'm still not completely convinced, but BJ doesn't seem nearly half as bad as he did last time we met."

"Awe, thanks, babes."

"Oui, Bee-atlejuice's attitude has improved greatly since he moved back to ze roadhouse."

"No need to insult me, bones," the ghoul said, sharply. "Hey, you'd be cranky too if you'd spent twenty years, shunned by the entire Neitherworld, in a grave the size of a quarter!"

"You spent twenty years in Adam's model?" Lydia asked.

"Yep. Sure did."

There was a moment's pause. "Why?" she asked, skeptically.

"Like I had a choice, babes. Well, come on – don't'cha wanna see the rest of the Neitherworld?"

Lydia let it go. "Sure," she said, happily.

"Well, then, let's hop to it!" Beetlejuice, the bunny, now hopped along side Lydia Deetz.

"Beetlejuice," she laughed.

"What can I say, lyds? I'm hopping mad!"

"You can say that again!"

"What can I say, lyds? I'm hopping mad!" he said; she laughed. "Alright, no more rotten jokes," BJ held up a rotten Easter egg.

Lydia jokingly covered her mouth and nose with her hand. "That egg almost smells worse than you do."

Beetlejuice sniffed it. "Yeah, _almost_." He said, as the egg disappeared.

"So, where to first, BJ?" She asked, looking up at her ghost guide, who was now floating next to her.

"The neitherworld shocking mall, of course!"

"You mean shopping mall."

"No, SHOCKING mall!" He gestured up to a bright neon sign that was stationed outside the building. It did, in fact, read 'Neitherworld Shocking Mall.'

"Grossness from wall to wall! Slime and sludge in every store, guaranteed!" This earned a trademark exclamatory from Lydia. "How about, before we leave, we stop by the pick up a couple of beetle burgers and toe-slaw? I'm starving."

"Uh… I'll pass." She replied, sheepishly. As amazing as the Neitherworld was, she wasn't quite ready to try any of their… unique cuisine.

At this, Beetlejuice shrugged. "Ah well. Thanks anyway, babes! You know, for 'celebrating' with me and all."

Lydia stopped. "You sly dog!" she said.

"What?" he asked, grinning dog ear to dog ear.

"You got me to 'celebrate', and now I'm in another dimension at a shopping-"

"-Shocking-"

"-shocking mall, laughing and having a good time. With _you_."

"well, sor-ry!" he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"You should be!" equal sarcasm.


	3. Chapter 3

At 1:3o Otherworld time, Beetlejuice and Lydia left the Shocking Mall, with intent to go to the Neitherworld drive-in.

"I heard that the newest monster film is playing: Bile of the Michigan Devil."

BJ laughed, "Yeah, in the OTHERworld. Here, the hottest monster movie is The Flying Pancake that Crushed Manhattan." He shrugged "Hey, BABES! Let's get a picture of you in front of the Neitherworld Frown Hall!"

"Alright" Lydia agreed, walking up to the monumental, slightly deformed building. "Do you have a camera?"

"Sure do!" Beetlejuice replied, turning himself into the camera. "Say, Limburger Cheese!"

Lydia giggled and did as she was told.

_Snap!_

Beetlejuice pulled the snapshot out of his mouth. "nice picture, babes!" he called to her as she began to walk back to him. His smile disappeared in an instant when the ground started to shake and crumble.

"EARTHQUAKE!" she shrieked, flailing to keep her balance.

Still, Beetlejuice knew better.

"No, Lyds! It's a –"

The ground split slightly as if it were an earthquake, and BJ was able to follow the crack in the ground to just beneath Lydia, where a giant, striped creature was pushing it's was up through the red rock, sending chunks of the road flying.

"SANDWORM!" he yelled, as Lydia was lifted off the ground by the creature. She was sitting on it's head to be exact. "Lydia-a-a-a!" he shouted over her piercing scream.

The sandworm seemed to notice Beetlejuice, but was obviously more interested in the loud object on top of its head. The beast shook it's head back and forth, trying to shake Lydia off. "Beetlejuice!" she screamed back at him, holding on for fear of her life.

The ghost stood there, rooted to the spot. He needed to get Lydia off that Sandworm. Correction: He needed to get Lydia off that Sandworm without becoming a mid-day snack.

The monster shook it's head again and Lydia started to lose her grip, screaming for help.

Beetlejuice was still petrified. "Don't worry, Lyds, I'm coming!" he shouted up to her, frantically looking around for a quick solution. Meanwhile, the Sandworm gave one last jerk of its head, sending Lydia flying across the street. BJ scrambled to catch her, turning himself into a giant black and white stripped trampoline when he figured he was underneath her.

Lydia screamed as she fell onto the trampoline, and Beetlejuice couldn't say that having a kid fall on you as many times as she did was a barrel of fun either (It hurt!).

After Lydia stumbled off the trampoline, BJ reappeared, grabbed her by the wrist, and they both took off running.

The Sandworm chased them, relentless, gaining ground every now and then.

"You know," BJ panted as they ran, "you can say those B-words and get us out of here ANYTIME!"

"Beetlejuice-Beetlejuice-Beetlejuice!" she said in a rush.

Crack!

Now that they were safe, back in Lydia's room, Beetlejuice promptly passed out on the floor.

"Sandworms. You know _I_ hate 'em." He said, breathlessly.

"Is that what that thing was?" Lydia asked, taking a seat on the bed a bit more gracefully than Beetlejuice had taken his.

"Yeah," the ghost said, recuperating and disappearing for a moment before popping up in front of Lydia. "They're the Neitherworld's biggest pests… besides me, of course." He said with an air of pride.

Lydia stood up and hugged him around the middle. "Thanks, BJ."

"Awe, no problem, babes!" he said, returning the gesture. When she let go, he fished around in his coat pocket for a moment before producing the photograph and handing it to her. "Here."

Lydia took it and pinned it to her bedroom wall. "Thanks, Beej." She said. "I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time before; you really _have_ changed."

Beetlejuice lifted his arm and sniffed his suit. "No I haven't." he said, blankly, making his human companion laugh. "Look babes, I gotta get back to the roadhouse, make sure everything's still in one piece."

"Alright."

"See you later, Lyds! And remember those magic B-words!" he called, before disappearing with a _pop!_

The door opened. "Hi, pun'kin!" her father said, peering around the door.

"Hi, father. How was your walk?"

"Very relaxing. How was your day?"

"Fun," she said, simply.

Charles Deetz came into his daughter's bedroom, looking at the picture that was now tacked to the wall. "What's this?"

"It's… a backdrop." Lydia thought quickly. What would her father say if he learned she'd gone off to another dimension with a ghost – Beej in particular.

"Oh. It's very nice, dear."

"Isn't it?" She smiled.

"Well, I'm going to go tell your mother that I'm back," he said.

"Okay, dad." Charles left.

The next day, Lydia had gotten home from school and was working on a project. It was almost done, even though it wasn't due until next week.

There was a tapping noise. She figured it was her mother working downstairs and ignored it as she continued on her project.

_Tap, tap_. "Psst! Lyds!" she heard.

Lydia looked up into her mirror and saw no reflection, only Beetlejuice.

"BJ!"

"Hey babes. How's it hangin'?"

"Great! What're you doing in my mirror?"

"You know the rules, babes. The Ghost with The Most can't come into the Otherworld until he's _called_!"

Lydia grinned. "Though I know I should be wary, still I venture someplace scary. Ghostly haunting, I turn loose – Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, _Beetlejuice_!"

"It's _show time_!"


	4. Chapter 4

Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves  
Scheherezad-ie had a thousand tales  
But, Babes, you in luck 'cause up your sleeves  
You got a brand of magic never fails  
You got some power in your corner now  
Some heavy ammunition that can hurt  
You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how  
See all you gotta do is say that word  
And I'll say

Miss Lydia, my dear  
What will your pleasure be?  
Let me take your order  
Jot it down  
You ain't never had a friend like me  
No no no

Life is your restaurant  
And I'm your maitre d'  
C'mon whisper what it is you want  
You ain't never had a friend like me

Yes ma'am, we pride ourselves on service  
You're the boss  
The queen, the shah  
Say what you wish  
It's yours! True dish  
How about a little more Baklava?

Have some of column "A"  
Try all of column "B"  
I know the way to help you, babes  
You ain't never had a friend like me

Can your friends do this?  
Do your friends do that?  
Do your friends pull this out their little hat?  
Can your friends go, poof?  
Well, looky here  
Can your friends go, Abracadabra, let 'er rip  
And then make the sucker disappear? _*Crunch!*_

So doncha sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed  
I'm here to answer all your midday prayers  
You got me bona fide, certified  
You got a ghoul for your chare d'affaires  
I got a powerful urge to help you out  
So what-cha wish? I really wanna know  
You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt  
Well, all you gotta do is say those words - and oh

Miss Lydia, my dear, have a laugh or two or three  
It's showtime now, without a doubt  
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend  
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend  
You ain't never had a friend like me  
You ain't never had a friend like me, hah! 


End file.
